Becoming Coco

        Me with my blonde hair finding inner wisdom with the Shaolin Monks at the Shaolin Temple in Luoyang, Henan, China       Too often we look outside ourselves for the answers to our problems. Does this sound like you: Do you find yourself often asking friends, online forums or reading books to get advice and solve your problems, but yet never seeming to get anywhere?  Do you feel like you can't act until you find the magic answer you are looking for?  Maybe you are just procrastinating or stuck because you feel confused about what to do or what is going on deep inside.         Its easy to feel like other humans somehow have more knowledge, wisdom or understanding than we do, but truly the answers you seek are all inside. Now I am all for reading self-help blogs, like this one, books, or even going to a therapist or life coach for help. I highly recommend these things. But there comes a time where ma...

“I want to help others, but I’m still struggling myself. How can I inspire others when I feel like such a failure?” Do you ever feel like you can’t help others or make a difference because of your own failure, flaws or weakness? Wanna know a secret? Most of us do or did at one time.  Did you ever consider that the fact that you have this struggle makes you uniquely able to help others in the same or similar situations?  YOU have the personal experience to be a unique light and inspiration to others because you have been there and still struggle with it. Never doubt the positive impact you can have.  To teach something to others you only need to be one step or one chapter ahead of them.  Even more importantly often times just by actively listening and supporting someone we make the biggest difference of all. Who better to help, support and be a good listening to others going through pain than someone who know what it feels like firsthand ? N...

When you are a streamer or gamer and spend most your time with friends online, it can be a little overwhelming entering a huge social gathering like twitch-con. You may be so excited about meeting your twitch community irl, but you may also find yourself getting stressed, overwhelmed or anxious. I was feeling anxious myself and worried about how I was going to fit everything in so I came up with these tips. I hope they help you because they are helping me . Twitch con anxiety tips: Most important is having the right mindset: you are here first and foremost to make friends and enjoy yourself. Yes, you are here for building relationships and learning what new things are coming to streaming. You are here to learn. That’s good! But you also may be feeling too much pressure to do EVERYTHING ! Tell yourself it’s OK to miss some things. Choose just 3-5 things that are absolutely necessary to attend and then tell yourself if you don’t get to the rest it’s ok. I promise nothing here...

Part 2 Disclaimer: This won’t make as much sense if you don’t read part 1. So please read the previous post first : Part 1 I do not see a light at the end. I do not see a reason for hope. I do not feel there is any logical reason to expect anything different from a life that has already brought so much pain, to suddenly shift and turn toward happiness and peace.  But I am choosing that hope anyway. I feel almost mad at myself for doing so. I can hear a voice say “you are betraying us!” “We have been with you from the beginning and you know nothing ever goes right. You know we are angry and tired and depressed and weak and scared and we can’t survive this!.” “How dare you try to have hope, you foolish mortal.”  Part of me just isn’t ready for this hope. I’m actually quite fine staying at this level of the rope and complaining and crying about my situation. It feels almost safer to stop here and just be afraid. Yell, scream and fight for my right to be afrai...

Today I woke up and felt so lost and overwhelmed by everything I had to face today. This is the journal entry I wrote. It’s my own personal journal so I am not going to edit it for grammar or mistakes. I don’t know if it will make sense to anyone, but if even one person relates and feels understood because of this then that will be enough.  My suggestion - Read part 1 and take a minute to reflect and respond. Then read part 2 where I find hope. And please let me know if you relate or appreciate this in anyway because it means a lot to me and everyone else to know we are not alone.   Journal: 10/16/18 What do you do when you feel all Hope is lost? When you feel like you gave it your best effort, then threw on your last ditch effort, and pushed a little more after that. Your body is literally and metaphorically bent and bruised. You feel like you can’t push one more step. And you question whether there truly is any force for good in this world because if there ...

Growing up I usually quit anything new I tried that I wasn’t immediately good at, which no surprise was pretty much everything. I had some weird belief that if I wasn’t immediately good then that meant I was a failure and an embarrassment. I wrongly felt like all the other kids my age were better than me and that I would never be that good. It never occurred to me that I could get better if I tried because my self-esteem was unable to handle the small set-backs.  Now that I’m older I look at all the things I never stuck with: figure skating, art, karate, ballet, hip-hop, tennis, rock climbing, piano, surfing. I was afraid to fail, afraid to get hurt and afraid to be myself. If I had stuck with just one of those things I could be a master by now! Oh how youth is wasted on the young.  But this is why it’s so important that we get this message across to everyone. You CAN achieve your goal, you CAN reach your dream and YES it is MEANT to be this hard! Yes you are ME...