Becoming Coco

Warning this is a raw unedited Journal Entry. It shows my mind at a point of darkness when I wrote to release the pain and hopefully find some hope. I don't feel this way everyday, but these are the thoughts I have sometimes as a person who struggles with clinical depression and ADHD. This is my mind's journey on a dark day.  What are you supposed to do when you too terrified to go after your biggest dreams in life? The answers most self-help gurus or well meaning friends and mentors give are obvious and I've heard them all before, but they don't actually solve my problem. I am terrified to go after what I really want in life so I self-sabotage every step of the way. All I've ever wanted to do was be an actress. I remember being 10 years old and begging my parents to take me to an audition with an acting agency that was passing out fliers at the mall. They said my brother and I were photogenic and even at age 10 I knew they were lying, at least about me.  I was born...

A letter to the dear one’s who suffer from depression or seemingly unmanageable anger, pain and loneliness. I see you. There is hope. For anyone who has or does or knows someone who has or does suffer from Depression or other mental health disorders I wrote this for you with love. My dear friend, I know how it feels to be angry all the time and you don’t exactly know why. Maybe it’s because the people around you are annoying and hurtful and bringing you down. But deep down you know that’s not the main reason. I know how it feels to feel empty, hollow and sad. To want to be with people, but the second you are with people you just feel annoyed by them. To feel so alone because even though you want to be happy and have friends, you ultimately don’t know how to access the feelings required to be happy and be friendly. I have been there and many times I am there. Trying to love and be loved, but the smallest actions of others sets me off and makes me angry or hurt or annoye...

This life philosophy just came to me. I hope it helps someone or at least creates a meaningful discussion.  I think in life it is the small choices that determine who you are. Whether you do wonderful things for the world or terrible is not determined primarily in one big action you take, but the little steps. Great people are not born in a day and neither are Monsters.  It’s those little daily choices you made to say something nice or say something mean, to tell the truth or a white lie, to control your urge for the easy route and do that slightly harder thing instead, that create your path.  These little choices will take you to the place where you can do things you thought were impossible for you. Whether those be to change the world for the better or destroy it, is up to your past decisions.  For example someone who opens a non-profit organization giving free help to patients of cancer is doing great things with seemingly one choice, but it...