Embracing Authenticity: Breaking Free from the Mask We All Wear

Adapted from a post I wrote July 10, 2020 and never posted.

I've worn many hats in my life, but through all the things I've tried, I've tried to be authentic. Recently, I found myself grappling with the idea that perhaps I needed to present a façade to succeed. It seemed that many people around me were projecting confidence and competence, even if it wasn’t entirely genuine. My confidence level is often lower than my competence level causing people to mistake me for someone who doesn't know when really I am actually way smarter and more capable than I act. So I questioned whether embracing this pretense would be a good a way to fit in or succeed. It’s important to recognize that everyone has moments where they might feel the need to be less than genuine. This is often a coping mechanism rooted in self-doubt and insecurity. Many people, myself included, might feel pressured to project an image of unwavering confidence, even when it doesn’t align with our true feelings. This isn’t necessarily a sign of malice or manipulation but rather a way to navigate the pressures of societal expectations. Rather than criticizing this tendency, we can approach it with empathy. Most people who act “fake” are struggling with their own insecurities and fear of inadequacy. They may hide their true feelings behind a mask of confidence because it helps them cope with their vulnerabilities. This mask can become so entrenched that it’s difficult to distinguish between the façade and the real self. However, simply adopting a mask is not a sustainable solution. When I tried this I loathed this side of me and every day I hated how I pretended to be positive and happy when inside I doubted everything going on around me. It also made me a very stressed out and angry person. The more I tried to hold the anger inside, the more depressed and angry I became. I had to stop pretending. If you feel you are working hard to not let people realize what's going on with you😵, then you are probably being fake. If you are saying you feel great, when you don't, that's fake.  Heck we all do that a little because we don't want to get into a deep conversation maybe when someone is just being polite, and that's fine, but when you are doing that all the time while you feel terrible at some point its not good for you. At some point you have to let people in a little bit and stop faking it just so you can stay sane. It will set you free to just be a little more honest and say "I'm not doing that great, but I am hanging in there." Maybe they will surprise you or maybe not, but at least you will be and feel authentic. If you find yourself slipping into inauthentic behavior, it’s important to reflect on why you feel the need to do so. Are you trying to fit into a particular mold or meet someone else’s expectations? Recognize that it’s okay to have moments of doubt and to be honest about them. Authenticity doesn’t mean airing all your grievances but rather acknowledging your true self and expressing it in a balanced way. For those dealing with others who may be hiding behind their masks, approach them with kindness and patience. It’s essential to understand that behind every mask is a person who is just as human as the next. Instead of condemning those who wear masks, we can encourage a more supportive and understanding environment where authenticity is valued and nurtured by being an example of authenticity to them. Understand that their behavior is often a defense mechanism rather than a personal attack. Setting boundaries with people who are not ready to be genuine is important for your own well-being. It’s okay to distance yourself from those whose behavior feels manipulative or harmful, but do so with compassion rather than judgment. Everyone has the potential to break free from their own façade and embrace authenticity. It requires self-awareness and courage, but it’s a journey worth pursuing. Start by being honest with yourself about your own tendencies and work towards expressing your true feelings in a constructive manner. Only by truly being yourself can you truly live a life of meaning. In environments or any career with high expectations for perfection, the pressure to be “fake” can be particularly intense. Recognize that while maintaining a professional demeanor is important, it’s also essential to allow yourself moments of vulnerability. It’s in these genuine moments that we connect most deeply with others. In summary, navigating the pressures to be inauthentic is challenging, but it’s possible to foster environments built on honesty and understanding. By acknowledging the humanity in ourselves and others, and by setting healthy boundaries, we can move towards a more authentic and fulfilling existence.