How to Stop Worrying About Money

How to Stop Worrying About Money

Money is one of the biggest struggles in life that we face because it feels like every time you need something, the answer is you can’t have it because you don’t have enough money. You need to eat healthier but can’t afford it because whole foods are expensive. You need to lose weight but can’t afford a gym membership, running shoes, or weights. You want to make friends, but you can’t afford to go out. You need therapy, but you can’t afford health insurance, or you have health insurance, but it's still too expensive. Life gets very discouraging really quick when you realize all your goals could be better achieved if you had more money. But to get more money, you often need things like confidence, skills, and knowledge, which usually can be gotten with things that cost money. It's a really discouraging trap. There are plenty of videos out there that talk about how to make more money and better manage the money you have, but those steps take time, and the first thing you need to do is just get through today. In order to do that, you have to stop worrying about money.

How Worry Affects the Brain: Chronic worrying can have long-lasting effects on the brain. Research has shown that prolonged exposure to stress hormones like cortisol can lead to a shrinking of the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and self-control. This can make it harder to resist impulses and make rational financial decisions. Additionally, heightened activity in the amygdala, the brain's fear center, can lead to increased sensitivity to stressors and a heightened sense of fear and anxiety. Over time, this can create a cycle where worrying becomes the brain's default response to financial challenges, making it even harder to break free from the grip of anxiety.

How to Stop Worrying About Something You Need but Don't Have Enough Of: This is honestly one of the hardest things to do because the steps are simple, but it requires trust and faith, which are scary, and consistency, which is challenging.

The simple solution is that you need to realize that worrying is a trap that keeps you broke. Worrying is when you spend time thinking about your fears and concerns over money and feel bad and scared about it. It often is an unintentional reaction at first, but it's basically allowing yourself to have fearful or negative thoughts about money that lead to more feelings of fear and lack of control. It's a delicate balance between thinking about and taking steps you have to take with money, like paying your bills, and entering into unnecessary burdensome thoughts about money that are nothing more than worries that lead to more pain. When you worry about money, you send your brain into a fearful anxious state, and brains do not handle those well. Your brain will react by trying to cover up, drown out, or numb out that negative state, and usually that ends up being with things that cause you more financial troubles like overeating, guilt shopping, going out when you can’t afford it, buying unnecessary financial courses you never watch, or trying to get rich quick schemes. In short, it puts you in a state of desperation where you either try to solve the problem in risky ways or you try to escape the negative emotions of the problem by doing things that feel good and are unhealthy for you or spend more money you can’t afford to spend.

Because of this, worrying about money is not just a waste of time but dangerous to your health, your wallet, and your life. Worry will not help you solve your problem, but only lead you to taking actions out of desperation and fear that will likely make the problem worse or bring about other problems.

This is why stopping the habit of worrying about money is the first step to solving your money problems. Even if you know how to manage your money, you won’t follow through if your worry takes over.

So how do you stop worrying if a lot of it is an unconscious reaction, it all happens so fast, and then you are further in debt or 10 doughnuts deep in a dozen Krispy Kremes? Well, to stop worrying, it's a consistent practice you have to start implementing by noticing your triggers, your thoughts about them, the feelings that come up, and the actions you typically take to handle those emotions. Think back on times in the past when you have had difficult financial situations and maybe were worried or stressed, and it didn’t go well. What triggered you to worry? Was it a bill that was due, a need to repair something, or a medical issue that unexpectedly came up? Maybe there was something you really wanted, and you realized it would never happen with your current budget? Figure out what the circumstance was that led to you starting to worry. From there, think about what patterns you have had in reaction to those kinds of circumstances. Do you go out and spend money on food or fun? Do you run to the comfort of alcohol or substances? Do you cry in your bedroom and then fall into depression? What are the patterns, and what are you doing in those moments, good or bad?

When you start to become more aware of how you react to these triggers and notice your patterns, you can start to take more control back and begin to be aware of how worrying about money has been showing up. Being aware of it is half the battle because it's easy for us to have thoughts about how we can’t afford anything and start to worry without really noticing until we have finished off a bottle of wine. Once you become aware of how you are feeling and what thoughts you are having, you can stop before any worry overtakes you and redirect yourself on a better path.

Next time you notice yourself starting to worry about money, pay attention to the thoughts you are having and write them down. Write down all you are experiencing and afraid of. In order to create a new pattern of not worrying, you have to be willing to go deeper into the negative feelings and thoughts causing the worry and face them head-on. It can help to journal it out or record yourself talking out loud if you prefer to speak over writing. I also like to journal to a specific person; they don’t have to read it ever, but it can help your brain to calm down even pretending to speak to someone who cares about you. You can, of course, talk to a friend or loved one about your concerns later, but I find at first there may be like 500 things you need to get off your chest and you don’t want to just unload that raw on someone you love, especially because when you are really vulnerable, they might not always have the perfect reply you need. So write or speak it out loud to your person; this could be a real person you trust, or it could be your future self; maybe you are writing to them for advice on how they got through this time. I like to write, speak, or pray to my higher power. It might seem like it's just make-believe, but to your subconscious brain, it will feel comforting to speak to another person, even one that is not there.

After you have unloaded your thoughts and feelings on paper to your future self, friend, family member, or higher power, then it's time to seek peace and comfort. You may already be feeling some peace and comfort from the writing or speaking out your concerns, but this is taking it to the next level. Ask your higher power, friend, or future self for peace. Yes, this sounds silly, it's not about magic or woo-woo though, it also works. Our brain is very programmable and does what we ask and suggest. You can also just put your hand on your heart and tell yourself “be at peace,” combine this with deep calming breaths. If you know a breathing exercise, this is a great time for that. This is basically like a time of prayer or meditation to allow yourself to calm down. In this time, it's okay and even a great release to cry if you feel like it. This should not feel like forcing yourself to feel better; it should be more like a decision to allow peace to come. If you have to fight too hard, maybe you have more doubts, questions, and thoughts you want to write down and speak out so feel free to go back to step one and then try this again.

Once you feel more calm, you can then begin to approach your problem with a more reasonable solution. In order to not worry about a problem like money, you have to know that everything will be alright. You can’t do that when you are in a state of overwhelming anxiety, so that is why the first two steps help. The writing and prayer/meditation give you the ability to unload the worrisome emotions and thoughts and then allow yourself to have some peace. From this state, this is when we start to ask ourselves questions to help us see the problem in a more realistic light like “what is it I really need or am really concerned about?” Is it really the end of the world that you can’t go to that concert this weekend or maybe it's the fact that you want to spend more time with your friends? Maybe you are upset you can’t afford therapy from this great psychologist online who doesn’t take insurance, but what you really need isn’t some specific person, but rather therapy in some form. Maybe you want a new pair of running shoes so you can exercise, but what you really need is just exercise in some form, whether running or not. Maybe you are overwhelmed by having too many bills, but what you really need is a sense of security and a plan to pay for things.

Often it's not the thing that triggered our worry that is the main problem we have with money. There is some other need we are trying to meet. Once you figure out what that need is, a lot of times the solution might not even require money. If you need time with your friends, but can’t afford the things they do, maybe you can ask them to do something next week that's totally free like going to the park.

Other times maybe you can’t afford the solution you thought you needed, but you could afford a solution that works just as well. For example, If you need exercise, but you don’t have running shoes you can try exercising with your old shoes, buy some at the thrift store for cheap or borrow a pair from a friend. Or if you need therapy, but you can’t afford the therapist you like, maybe you can find one that’s covered by insurance if you have it or if not ask that therapist if they take a sliding scale or find one who does.

Sometimes the solution is taking some action from a place of calm that will help prevent future financial problems and get you on the right track. Maybe you are overwhelmed by bills piling up and you just need to take a look at your finances, plan a budget and create a system that works for you to start saving more. Maybe you do need to start making more money and so you need to look for a new job. Those are important solutions that you can’t really do successfully when you are worried and afraid. You don’t want to approach your problem in a state of desperation as your actions can be reckless and your mind unclear. Plus, you likely won’t have the energy for something like budgeting or job searching when you are feeling worried. The feeling you need for those activities is calm and hope.

When you realize what possible solutions you have to your problem you naturally will start feeling more calm and hopeful as you realize that there is a way out. If you don’t already feel that calm and hopeful feeling rising then tell yourself directly “ I can handle this, there are options that are free or cheap to get what I need, I can manage this. I will create a plan.” The point here is to help your brain to see that your problem with money is nothing to be afraid of. You can trust in yourself, your friends, your higher power, or your future self to get you through this. I personally find it very helpful to trust in a higher power that surrounds me with love and peace to get through any situation, but even if you don’t have that belief you can trust that there is love in the world that carried you through, you’ve seen love before and that love can always overcome worry and fear. You can allow yourself to feel calm, love yourself and believe in your ability to face any money situation the best you can. There are options and there are solutions. Just by spending the time to let yourself express all your concerns and worrisome thoughts you are loving yourself. By calmly looking at what your real need is and finding alternative solutions to meeting that need that doesn’t require money or that better fit your budget you are also loving yourself. You can then show up and be better for others, thus spreading that love. Worry restricts us and prevents us from seeing the clear solutions and feeling the love that is naturally around us.

This is the process that helped me in a recent time of financial worry. I was going through a situation where I had a lot more bills than usual and I had some health concerns. I needed a specific health treatment that would cost thousands of dollars, and on top of that, my car needed to be taken to the shop because it wouldn't run. Then I found out that my house needed a repair that I hadn’t planned for. It all felt so overwhelming that I woke up anxious. I started frantically trying to research cheaper options online and started obsessively budgeting and trying to find out where I could pull money from. Yes, budgeting is usually a good thing, but I was in a state of panic and it was just adding to my stress while blocking me from thinking clearly. In my mind, the problem felt insurmountable, plus I wasn't eating and spent hours just obsessing over the problem. Finally, I realized this was not getting me anywhere, and before I did anything rash, I needed to calm down. I took a shower because that usually is a place where I can think, and I started talking out loud to my higher power about all my concerns and worries. I felt that I needed to trust that together my husband and I could overcome these issues if I stayed calm and took it one step at a time. Then I went to my bed and cried as I laid out all my problems in writing on my phone's note app. Then I told myself it would all be okay, that I could handle this and all would be taken care of. Everything I can control, I would be able to handle, and everything outside of my control would work out. I decided I would trust this to be true. Whether you think it is or not, it really does no good not to trust things you can’t control will be okay because you can't control it anyway. All you can control is your part, so why allow worry to come and make it all harder? I took deep breaths, and I asked for peace and calm. Once I felt calmer after releasing these fears, then I decided I would talk to my husband about my concerns and come up with a plan together to pay for these things. I realized I don’t need all these things immediately at once, though they all are important. I could live without a car for a little while longer while I saved up some money; I could put off my treatment a little bit longer until after the repair for the house was paid. In an ideal world, I wish I could have all the things I need fulfilled immediately, but I wouldn’t die if they had to wait a little longer. Yes, it's hard, but I can survive and find joy in my life still. Worrying about what I can’t change doesn’t fix it. Then I decided I would let go of what I can’t change and stop worrying and go forth and eat some food and take care of my body. I didn’t feel 100% better, but I was able to get through my day and do the things I needed to do. Sometimes it's a process, and you don’t immediately feel happy and perfect just because you work through some of your worries, but I was able to function and find meaning in my life, and that's a big step.

I realize this might not sound as exciting as some videos out there that promise they can help you stop worrying for good, or make you go from depressed to living your best life in an instant, but I’ve heard all those stories before and they are rarely true. I want to share a realistic and true picture of what it means to overcome the negative emotions in life and keep on going. Maybe some people are able to 180 change their mindset in a day and become happy after this one magic trick they find in a book or from some guru, but after reading hundreds of books, listening to every coach and podcast I could find, taking years of therapy and attending expensive conferences I’ve found that’s not how it works for most of us. The real steps to change your life and overcome negative feelings like worry require some self-discipline and consistent action. They often require the willingness to take a positive action while you are feeling like crap, which honestly can be the hardest time to do anything. 

However, even though this method is not a one and done fix-your-entire-life solution it is a solution that actually works, not just makes you feel hopeful it will work. You just have to be willing to accept that some days life is still gonna feel kind of crappy. That’s okay. Pursuing self-help my entire life I have been sold a bill of lies from every guru on the planet claiming that we can all be happy forever with their 5 easy steps, but life is not like that. Happiness is not a thing you just find one day and keep forever like a fairytale. It's something you have to work at. Learning to take simple steps like this that help you cope with worry and find a more peaceful mindset, are what help you maintain a more happy life. It won’t feel like the rainbow on the cover of Oprah’s magazine everyday, but it will be real. 

Finally, as I said earlier there are lots of good videos and tips out there on how to budget, find a job, make more money etc. but you won’t be able to do those to your best ability unless you are first calm and know what the real problem is. I hope these simple steps help you to stop worrying in its tracks and transform it into a more calm and hopeful experience so you can feel empowered to take the steps you need to get in a better financial situation.