Becoming Coco

        Me with my blonde hair finding inner wisdom with the Shaolin Monks at the Shaolin Temple in Luoyang, Henan, China       Too often we look outside ourselves for the answers to our problems. Does this sound like you: Do you find yourself often asking friends, online forums or reading books to get advice and solve your problems, but yet never seeming to get anywhere?  Do you feel like you can't act until you find the magic answer you are looking for?  Maybe you are just procrastinating or stuck because you feel confused about what to do or what is going on deep inside.         Its easy to feel like other humans somehow have more knowledge, wisdom or understanding than we do, but truly the answers you seek are all inside. Now I am all for reading self-help blogs, like this one, books, or even going to a therapist or life coach for help. I highly recommend these things. But there comes a time where many of us get too reliant on other people's advice or opi

I’m trying to break a habit of perfectionism and it’s really tripping me out because it’s not a simple one step solution. I’m not just trying to be perfect all the time because I’m afraid people won’t like me if I’m not perfect. It’s a mixture of things. So I’m learning about thought patterns of perfectionist.  First, perfectionists have a pattern of looking at things as “all or nothing” (thanks Rachel Luna for pointing this out on her podcast).  If we can’t accomplish the whole task in the timeframe we want or have we may discount the option of doing it in chunks and get discouraged or procrastinate.  One example of this is if you can’t do all the dishes right now because you don’t have time, but you have time to do half the dishes, an all or nothing perfectionist would just put off the whole task.  Or maybe you have a goal at work to get a certain number of tasks done. Let’s say theres 10.  While a non-perfectionist may also not complete all 10 tasks in a day

Just finished watching the Fyre festival documentary on Netflix .  I think this should be a required film to view for humans because it reminds us of the danger that comes when we get caught up in the seemingly perfect lives of those we see on social media. Briefly the story goes that one man, Billy McFarland, was able to sell a team of people on his visionary dream  of holding a music festival that would allow influencers and anyone who could afford the high ticket cost to live a dream weekend in luxury on a private island in the Bahamas.  The main way they sold everyone on this idea was not with facts or actual evidence of having this island (turns out they didn’t), but by showing them pictures on social media of models on jet skis and having influencers repost an orange box which symbolized their attendance to this elite event shrouded in mystery.  The event was cancelled after everyone arrived to a total disaster. Nothing they were promised through the pictu

I am learning that everything we think and feel we create in our lives. Growing up it was easy to blame my feelings and behavior on the circumstances around me because I had a difficult childhood and lots of drama at home. But all that blame did was prevent me from learning what I needed from the situation to become resilient. The truth is it’s my own thinking and attitude that determine how I feel.  I always thought when I become an adult I will make better choices, make my dreams come true and be happy. But really when I became an adult I was the same person with the same limitations. It took me a while to recognize the pattern. Eventually, I realized that no matter where I lived, no matter what job I had, which friends I had, whether I was single or in a relationship, had money or no money, I basically had the same inner thoughts, feelings and problems. There always seemed to be a person, place or situation to blame or an excuse to make. There also was always a set of chang