13 Reasons Does Not Glorify Suicide: Here's Why

   
     In my previous post I gave an overview of the two sides responding to the new Netflix series "13 Reasons Why." I talked about how I recommend people respond to the topics involved whether they choose to watch the show or not and how teens need to talk about these issues with their parents. The show could be a catalyst for positive change no matter what side you fall on, because just by people discussing whether the show is appropriate gets them talking about the issues at hand, namely suicide, bullying and sexual assault.

   This is post is going a little more into which side of the argument I fall on and why. Mostly though I want to respond to the claim that the show "glorifies" suicide. 

I put "glorifies" in quotations above because its a very subjective term here.  n the past this kind of terminology has been used to describe glorifying war as in when men in World War I were taught propaganda about how going to war made you a real man, brave and strong. Propaganda made war look glorious as if it were an adventure or right of passage.  That was called "glorifying war" because it downplayed the negative sides of war in order to get people to want to enlist. It did not depict the bloody, messy, terrible horrors of war. But this show did depict the bloody, messy , terrible horrors of suicide, in excruciating detail. It depicted the physical and emotional horrors of suicide down to even describing what it looks like to an outsider who is unaware of the person's suffering. For example Hannah says, when referring to her giving up hope and "being already dead" that it looks like "nothing." She says thats the scary part that you don't even see the change because that person feels empty. They aren't responding in some dramatic attention-seeking way. They simply look fine, but on the inside they are feeling dead. How does that glorify suicide the way propaganda in the early 1900s glorified war? It doesn't. The show shows all the terrible effects of suicide even down to showing Hannah taking her own life. I was actually shocked they showed her do it and to be honest I closed my eyes, but just hearing her scream in pain as she slit her wrists made me want to faint. So maybe get on the shows case for being too graphic, too gory, too painful to watch, but for "glorifying suicide"? Those were not screams of joy my friends, and there was nothing "glorious" about that scene and I don't think after that many people will be signing up for that war. 

I just don't think the term "glorify" is right for the argument being made here. When I think 'glorify' I'm thinking praising god in a church by dancing and singing. From my experience the term has a really positive light, but I don't think anyone can point to a scene where this show made suicide seem positive at all. The series showed how the character Hannah's suicide nearly tore a town apart and disrupted the lives of everyone involved. Watching the show made me feel so much sadness for Hannah, but also for the characters involved. Especially Clay and Hannah's parents who, as the show goes on, clearly would have done everything they could to help Hannah if she only had spoken up. Time and time again as a viewing I wanted to shout "Why won't she tell them the truth?" However, it seemed to be a common theme among the teens in the show that they don't speak up when they should about what they and others are facing. Every time they didn't things got worse and that's why I really think the focus of the show is so much more than suicide. It doesn't glorify suicide at all, its using it as a powerful statement to draw attention to the hurting teens face, too often, alone. So let's put aside the terms subjective meaning here and how much the term "glorify" doesn't fit the show and look at the meaning behind why people said that. 

Throwing out the use of the word "glorify" I know the argument beyond that is that the show may make teens think suicide will have the effect they may want and that by doing this they are "glorifying" it. The hurting teen may think "this will show them" or "when I'm dead they'll realize how badly they hurt me." These fantasies seem to be supported by the show because the people who hurt Hannah do end up suffering emotional pain and realize what they did to hurt her. But why would that mean the show is glorifying suicide? In real life when someone commits suicide it is true that many people do feel regret and experience pain over it. Those related to the person do ask themselves "what should I have done?" That's irrefutable. So why does the show depicting reality have to be a bad thing? If anything the fact that this show does not stop there, but continues to show the negative domino effect after Hannah's death can show the hurting teen that they should be careful what they wish for. They are hurting, yes, but do they really want their friends and families to feel even worse than they do now? If there is even one person they can trust or care about hopefully they will find the answer is "no." So why are people freaking out about a show that just tells it like it is?

I think people are reacting to just how dramatic it seems that a person would leave tapes detailing exactly why they got to the point of making this tragic choice. They also may be reacting to the almost disgusting way humans are drawn to a show like this out of curiosity for something so morbid. However, the book and show were not designed to just satisfy a dark curiosity. They were meant to show just how serious small acts of unkindness can be. What better way to demonstrate how serious and damaging bullying and sexual assault can be on a person than to show how it lead to their suicide? This is something that does actually happen, too often, so what not depict it in a realistic way to raise awareness and give a voice to those who aren't here anymore to speak for themselves?

Part of the problem is that this subject is so taboo. We don't talk about it because its so serious and that is part of the problem. I know I myself have struggled with pain and depression and when you do there is an overwhelming message from society that your pain is not acceptable. When you show a hint of your darker feelings people get uncomfortable and they don't know what to do. They try to change the subject, try to quickly cheer you up (as if they have the magic miracle that would work in 5 min when years of you trying to fix yourself have already gone by and failed), they even try to tell you not to feel that way or worse just don't talk that way. It's ok to feel sad and suicidal, but just don't admit it. If you don't agree with me just imagine how most people would react if you said "I want to kill myself" just open like that. I know most my friends would think I'm joking and awkwardly change the subject. I know just what my dad would say "Don't talk like that, I love you." Unfortunately as well meaning as they all are, they didn't solve the problem, they swept it under the rug and sent a message. You know what the message is? "Suicide is a taboo topic, we don't discuss it here."

What message do you think you are sending to the teens and people in your life when you tell them don't watch 13 Reasons. It glorifies suicide. Oh really? How exactly did it do that? Oh by talking about it in a realistic fashion? By actually depicting it in a realistic fashion? Well first of all its not the first piece of film to do either of those things, so what's the difference? The difference is its uncomfortable way that it focuses on the taboo topic and the uncomfortable which it centers around teenagers. Statistics show though that teenagers are more in danger of committing suicide than adults. They have not developed all the adults skills of coping and sweeping things under the rug. They only have just learned how to hide things from the adults who like to sweep things under the rug. As I am writing this phrase I am reminded how Alex, from the show, mentioned how his dad was a "sweep it under the rug kinda guy." What happened to Alex? Well for all we know he shot himself. 

Now look, I'm not saying if you don't watch this show or let your teen watch this show then they are more likely to commit suicide or anything like that. I just refuse to agree to the opposite. Just like watching this show won't necessarily stop someone from engaging in the crimes depicted, it also won't necessarily encourage them either. The fact that people are afraid to watch it or let teens watch it is what scares me because it shows an unwillingness to face the issue. That said if you find this show too much and you find other ways to talk about these issues as needed with friends and family then power to you! There is not one way to solve an issue, but maybe you should think twice before discouraging your friend with suicidal thoughts from watching. How do you know that this show is not her guiding star? How do you know that watching it doesn't help her get in touch with the darker emotions and bring them to light? Maybe watching it he or she seeks help and maybe you as their friend, parent, loved one etc. should be the one saying "hey you know the risk, if you want to watch it, I'll be there next to you holding your hand. and when you want to talk we'll hit pause and we'll talk." Now that could be beautiful. 

In reality though most people are probably just watching the show or not with the same action as they'd watch or not watch any other show and that's just not what this is meant to be. Watch it or don't, but don't watch it all alone with no support assuming its just a show and will have no effect on you. And don't tell your kid, friend, neighbor, co-worker or whoever not to watch it because its bad and then leave it at that. IF they are struggling you literally just slammed the door on an opportunity for a healthy conversation and told them right away that you are not a safe person to talk to about the subject. 

Instead keep it open. You could say "hey my 15 year old child, I'm concerned about the things I've heard that are in that show such as bad language and graphic visuals, I don't feel comfortable letting you watch it, but I do think the topics it brings up are really important and we should talk about them." Then think of another way or form to open that conversation. Or you could say "hey co-worker, I personally am not going to watch that show because it sounds like it would make me depressed, but I agree its a really important topic and I'm glad people are giving it the attention it deserves." 

Obviously only the people in my imaginary perfect world talk like that, but still I'm just trying to say when you make a strict comment to people like "don't watch this its bad" you don't know what you may be shutting down so just make sure you express your opinions in a way that keeps conversation open and paints you as someone with arms open.

I may have gotten a little off topic, but I think I made my opinion pretty clear. This show does not glorify suicide, not even close and by taking that strong position you could unintentionally turn someone who is hurting away from you. The fact that so many people are just reacting to this show whether having seen it or not proves that it is already making a difference, now its just a question of whether the difference, the change, will be good or bad. Well friends it is just a show, so whatever change it makes for good or bad lies with us. We can be closed to the idea of talking about the problems it shows because we don't like the graphic nature it shows them, or we can be open to talking about the tough issues whether we choose to be exposed to a graphic content or not. Watch or don't watch, but never judge. This show could be used for good yet. A conversation has started so I would say, it already has.