Why I Never Care to Shop Again

I used to be like many girls enjoying shopping with their friends or alone. I loved buying new clothes and new things. I spent the majority of my paychecks or any other income on new things for my closet or bedroom. It became something ugly though when I did not have enough money left for things that mattered more to me like going out, bigger ticket items or gifts for family members. In the worst moments I did not have enough money for things like groceries, bills or the mounding credit card debt. I started to feel guilty whenever I spent too much money or purchased something I did not really need, but I could not stop. I love pretty things, I love having new clothes and I love the fun experience of getting something new. It makes me feel alive, until I get home and have to put it all away in my overflowing closets. The issue of materialism, shopping and clutter became so troublesome that I have now come to a point where I don't care for it anymore.

I'm sure many people are like me because they have a group: Shopaholics Anonymous. Although going to that group may be very helpful, I'm lucky to have found my own way of solving this problem. I decided first, not to quit cold turkey, even though this title somewhat suggests that approach. I don't even want to quit, period. I just want to take shopping down to the level it should be at: something you do to get things you need or something you can enjoy without later feeling regret.

Every behavior we do is linked to some kind of motivation or benefit we receiving. For me, even though shopping made me feel guilty, I was gaining something from it that was important to me. Those positive feelings shopping gives me is what keeps me doing it when I know I shouldn't.

My main motivation for shopping is the experience. I like seeing all the pretty colors, the sensory experience of touching new clothes, the confidence I gain from wearing something new, the act of actually leaving the house and being in a new place, while trying new things, and the excitement of making some of those things mine.

The danger is that in our commercialized, advertisement-saturated country (now becoming world, thanks a lot Western influence) it becomes really hard for someone like me, who wants all the new things, to ever feel satisfied. If I go to a mall I have neither the time, nor the money to leave with even 1% of the treasures it holds. Seeing all the new things just makes me feel less satisfied about what I already have. It also makes me lose my focus as to what I came for in the first place. I almost always leave buying something I did not intend to buy. I almost always stay longer than intended. I almost always feel a happiness that is tainted with a side of guilt.

 My solution to this? It came unintentionally and through a variety of ways.

First, meeting my husband really helped a lot because I started to care more about spending time with him than about shopping. I have way more fun now hanging out with him and our friends than at the mall. My husband hates shopping so when we are together we generally avoid the malls. He also keeps me accountable when I do go shopping because he doesn't have the need to own all things bright and beautiful. Together we make a good team.

My takeaway from this is that to stop over-shopping I fill that longing and desire for fun experiences with experiences with friends and family, not with buying new things. Its a longer-lasting , guilt-free method.

Another takeway is that it helps to have someone keep you accountable when you are shopping because everyone needs to shop sometime.

Second,  I started hating clutter and wanting my house to feel clear. Somewhere along the lines of buying whatever I wanted, I realized there was a pattern of buying something new, loving it for a week or a month, getting bored of it, not a having a place to store it and then adding it to my piles of clutter in the house. I also realized that the more stuff I had the more cluttered the house looked and the more stressed and cluttered my mind felt. I started doing my work outside or at coffee shops or anywhere else to get out of my messy house. I could not think clearly in my house. When I went to other people's homes I felt better if they had less stuff than me. Then of course there was Pinterest which shows you how perfect your home could be if you own only 3 decorative items and no extra books, papers or things. All this made me want to have less stuff so I could just live and enjoy my life with peace of mind.

I even read a book called "Stuffocation" by James Wallman and loved how the title perfectly explained how my stuff was making me feel. The book also talked about how experiences are the new "stuff" we should invest it, which perfectly matched with my first solution of spending more time with my husband, family and friends instead of shopping when I wanted to feel alive.  The more I realized stuff was suffocating me, the less I wanted to bring new things into my life.

Lastly, I accepted the part of me that likes to buy new things to feel pretty, have fun and have a sensory experience. Even "Stuffocation" mentioned how the new marketing of the future needs to incorporate an experience with their products to get today's market interested. They would suggest you invest in experiences over stuff, but sometimes getting new stuff can be an experience. So my goal is not to completely avoid shopping altogether, but to limit it only to meaningful and necessary shopping experiences.

One way I do this is by keeping a budget with my husband and talking about how much is reasonable to spend. That limits spending so I can focus the money on only what I truly need or want. The limit is no longer what I am able to spend, but what is reasonable to spend. The difference is before if I had $400 extra dollars I'd get $400 of clothes. Now I say its is reasonable for me to get 1 pair of jeans or it is reasonable to spend $100 on clothes and then save the rest for experiences that come up.

Another way is by only shopping with my husband, friends or family. Then shopping is a meaningful experience because I am spending time with someone I love. If I need something specific then I limit myself to that item, or if its just for fun with my friends then I limit myself to a dollar amount. However, unless my friend or I need something specific, I much prefer now to hang out in other ways than shopping because that temptation to be caught up in materialism is still crouching around the corner of every aisle.

Even with all these solutions the lure of shopping still is difficult for me, which is why I no longer care for it as I once did. I used to be excited about shopping and now, unless it represents spending time with a loved one, I am not so much. I know that shopping will appear to be so sweet like a bright, tasty, red apple, while secretly hiding poison inside. There are very few times when I have gone shopping, in fact none that I can even think of, where I left feeling totally satisfied, in control and happy with all my purchases. More often I feel overwhelmed by exerting my will power to say "no" and guilty by one or two extra things that slipped in the cart. Even with groceries!

With that kind of danger I just don't care for shopping anymore.

There is still one more solution to mention that to me, though its not the most important solution, is definitely the most effective.

MY MOST EFFECTIVE Solution :

The reason why it is most effective is because it helps me actually experience all the joys shopping brings me, while limiting most of the negatives! The solution is ONLINE SHOPPING! Not just any online shopping though, because some can be more stressful. For example when I have shopped online at Amazon, Old Navy, Zulily and others, I can run into some of the same issues of being overwhelmed by all the options, overspending and ending up hating the clothes in person. The worse is unlike in the store, you can't try them on. So the online shopping that has helped me the most is subscription services shopping.

Prime Now

I use Amazon Prime Now for groceries, Le tote and Stitch Fix for clothes, Love With Food for snacks,  and Audible and Blinkist for books. In the future it would be cool to add services for makeup, accessories, beauty items, home decor and more, but for now the ones I have are doing wonders for me.

The best thing about Prime Now is that I am never in an aisle tempted to buy groceries I don't need. The worst thing is they don't have Trader Joes, so I still have to go there. However, I don't have many issues with groceries anymore because I can easily see exactly what my total cart is before I ever enter a "check-out." I also search for items on my list rather than walking down aisles so I don't end up with many or any extras.

Le Tote

Le tote has literally saved me from signing up for Shop-aholics Anonymous because it curbed my need for new clothes each month. Le Tote is like Netflix for clothes. You can buy them, but you primarily rent clothes in boxes of 5 items at a time. It's also unlimited per month. This saved me because I get the excitement of having new clothes each month, but I don't have to buy any so my closet never has to get bigger. I can literally participate in every style trend without buying a single new item if I want. When I do buy clothes now, I've had a chance to wear it first, pair it with other things in my closet and make a more informed decision based on how I feel with it compared to the many other things I could receive. Buying clothes for me now is rare though. Why buy something new when you can just rent something new and never worry about clothes going out of style?

I am really amazed more girls I know don't jump on this gravy train of clothes. I think most don't know, but some I have shared with claim its the price ($50-60 a month depending on your subscription). However,  the money I am saving by not having to buy new clothes is way more than what I'm spending. Additionally the pure joy and peace of mind is worth it. When I log on to their site and browse through the clothes I feel only happiness and excitement because I know that I can literally have ALL of it! At some point in the weeks ahead I can borrow that shirt or dress and keep it as long as I like until I return it for my next box. Rather than looking at clothes and feeling depressed I can't afford it all, I am happy that I could wear it in the future. Its basically like an ever-changing, ever-growing online closet!

Stitch Fix

Stitch Fix is another cool box that helps me with clothes. I don't love it as much as Le tote, but they look at my pinterest and send me personalized items that they think I will like. They take careful notice of any feedback I send and try to pair me with perfect finds. Its really fun and each box is a surprise! I like it because it limits my spending on new clothes and if I do buy I am only choosing between 5 items, rather than a whole store. It makes trying new clothes easy, convenient and less overwhelming.

Audible , Blinkist

As far as the others, Audible and Blinklist are apps, not boxes, but they are worth mentioning because I used to spend hundreds of dollars on books each year. Not only that, but I often didn't finish most the books due to time, but I loved getting more anyway. With these two subscription services I can get new books all the time and then listen to them while driving. I have now "listened" to more books than I could ever read. If you buy one book a month you will already save money with Audible because its only $14.99. That was me. I would buy 1-5 books a month!

Anyway I could go on about subscription services because I think they are the best thing since sliced bread. They definitely changed my life. And yeah I guess it kind of seems like my solution to shopping is just another form of shopping, but since shopping is not an illegal substance, is pretty necessary at times for survival and doesn't slowly kill me with cancer or anything like that, I think its totally appropriate to find a healthy way of doing it rather than totally nixing it altogether. I may not have gotten rid of shopping, but I've gotten rid of the traditional form of shopping in mall, surrounding by stress, crowds and unfulfilled materialistic desires. I don't have the temptation to over-spend or over-buy, which frees me from the stress of clutter. I no longer feel guilty about shopping and I have a substitute that brings the joys of shopping while managing the downsides. Obviously they aren't all perfect solutions, but combined together with the support of my friends and family to keep me accountable, they are really helpful.

Between these neat services, helpful budgeting, having someone to keep me accountable, and my new realization of hating clutter I don't ever want to go back to "shopping" again, at least not the way it was. Besides, when I realize how much more fun and valuable experiences with friends and family are, I don't really want to. Shopping for me may happen on the rare occasion with a friend or out of need, but I'm no longer that girl who was stuck in the overspending, guilt-filled shopping cycle. YAY! Now who wants to go sky-diving?